This morning I walked into Starbucks to see that now, thanks to Prop 65, they too need to remind me that I could die.
Can we just dispense of all the warning signs? Restaurants that use balsamic vinegar claiming you could die from their food. Parking garages telling you that parking in them could lead to your death. McDonald’s reminding us that coffee is hot. A sign at the beach telling us there are sharks in the ocean. A chainsaw telling you not to hold the wrong end. This people? This is why I drink.
Instead? Let’s get it over with first thing in the morning and be done with it. We mandate that every American must have an alarm clock that wakes us up with a voice that says,
“Warning. Getting out of bed this morning means your life is in danger. You might get scalded or eaten. You could lose your fingers and it is probable that you will die. Every step you take will further enhance that danger. Everything you eat will most likely kill you. What we tell you is good for you today, will kill you tomorrow. Nothing is safe. Your children are in grave danger and there is nothing you can do to protect them. Now. Get up tiger. Get out there and tackle the world. Because you never know, you just might make it through today.”