Every Thanksgiving we have a family ritual. I cook for three days, I bitch, I scream, the house is cleaned spotless, I make everyone shower (do you have any idea what kind of Goliath effort this requires with three boys?) and then everyone gets dressed in their finest.
For turkey dinner? Nope.
For the annual hour in which my kids turn into assjackets, I turn into a bitch and my husband gets annoyed with all of us. Otherwise known as the family Christmas card photo.
This year? No exception. Only this year? The worst ever.
In every single photo, one of them looked like this. So after spending an hour threatening to call CPS on myself, they finally convinced me that we were a family of humor and that we should send out the following card.
And? I said yes. Because we are after all a family of humor. Then I went to sleep and somewhere in the 3:00 a.m. hour this occurred to me.
That is our Christmas card from last year. So? We can’t be the family that sends two cards in a row that are “humorous.”
Because then? People will think we are doing it on purpose. And that? Is lame. We can’t be the family that tries too hard to be funny. Gak.
So?
I did what any self-respecting mother would do. I forced those assjackets to take more photos. And now? They hate me just a little bit more.
Annual Christmas card. Take Two.
Good times.
Is it just me or does Noah have an, “I am going to kick your mother ass,” expression on his face?
Annual Christmas card. Take Three.
Two things. Is he doing it on purpose? And? What is up with the flying saucer hair? Ok. Three things. Whose stupid idea was it to put them all in white t-shirts?
No words.
So? I picked one. And? They hated it and BEGGED me to let them try again. “One. More. Time. Mom. Please. I look stupid and will be humiliated.”
I said, “NO. That will teach you to take it more seriously next year now won’t it?” And I took a sip of my wine. And then for an hour, they wouldn’t shut up with their begging, so I gave in.
Annual Christmas card. Take Four.
Honestly? Do they hate me?
And still? I have nothing.
So?
I have decided to photocopy my ass and put it on the front of our Christmas card this year. You have been warned.
classic. will you be wearing a white t-shirt too?
That is the funniest post I have read in a long time. You fucking kill me.
Jenny, if she is, we won’t see it.
Photoshop. Seriously. We’ve done this on more than one occasion. This is (usually) not legal evidence so it’s perfectly acceptable to cut your child’s head out of one shot and paste it into another.
Meanwhile, make one where you’ve changed all their hair to mullets and tell them that’s the photo for the card this year.
BAHAHAHA!! Hilarious!! Last year my son decided he would scream like someone was beating him and that picture totally went on my Christmas cards. And it’s also hanging (in poster size!) in my mom’s living room
OMG Stefanie that is the funniest post EVER. I think you should send the card where you and J look perfect, smiling, happy, peaceful parents and the kids look a wreck. Because that’s life. And I’m SICK of getting my friends holiday cards in the mail where every. single. person. including the dog is at attention and looking perfect like a stepford family. Hey, that ain’t reality people. We all know you drugged your kids to get them to sit still like that. Especially the boys.
Send a picture that reflects true life Stef and call it a day. I vote for the #2 picture above.
Photographing teens seems more difficult than photographing toddlers because toddler will respond to brides of chocolate chips. I am assuming this doesn’t work here.
I can’t afford the bribes anymore.
Amen sister. And while card #2 is pretty funny? I am still going with my ass.
I like the way you think.
So glad my personal hell makes you laugh.
Perhaps a white g-string.
I need to see that photo. STAT.
You guys look like a great family! I love the funny family pictures most because they put a smile on my face and it shows each personne’s individual character! You should definitly chose picture #2!
I didn’t see Clyde or Daisy in any of them. What, were they behaving to well to be allowed in the pics.Your daughters need hair cuts.
Omigosh that is fabulous! It amazes me always how such good looking kids can take such awful photographs
I told folks that I am not doing cards this year due to $$ – I lied – I was just too damn lazy to deal with this kind of hell this year. And I only have to deal with two of them!!
Those are hilarious. And your boys are so HANDSOME!
OMG!!! These pictures are just TOO funny. What a bunch of ass clowns. And I though my trip to the mall photo studio was bad! Love your ass idea. Maybe a leopard print?
OMG!!! These pictures are just TOO funny. What a bunch of ass clowns. And I though my trip to the mall photo studio was bad! Love your ass idea. Maybe a leopard print?
Can’t wait to see that ass on the card! yee haw! Ok, but seriously the flying saucer hair has me keeled over! xo
Love this post. I had a very similar picture taking experience with my 3 kids on my annual Thanksgiving holiday card photo attempt. So glad i found your site. As a fellow blogger, I can relate to all of your hard work with kids and blogging
hohahohaho….big laugh….thanx i needed that!!!!! im going back for round two right now!!!! love it!!!!!!
That is great! But, no worries…on my Christmas card, my 16 year old daughter’s t-shirt is puffed up from the wind. She honestly looks like she is 16 and pregnant. Can’t wait to hear from friends!!!