I stood by idly while The Guiding Light was cancelled. Then yesterday I was horrified to see that Days of our Lives is facing cancellation as well. I suppose there is nothing to do but let my dirty little secret out of the closet and beg for help...

Hi, my name is Stefanie and I am addicted to The Young and the Restless.  

I am terrified that this awful trend of soap canceling will soon take away my addiction. Where would I be without the drama of these well dressed, narcissistic, paternity test taking, murdering, pretty people?

I have been watching Y&R (that’s what those of us in the know call it) for years. It’s all my grandmother’s fault.  She used to watch it every day and you talk about addicted. That women would record the entire week on tape.  On a VCR with TAPES. Then we would sit together on Friday nights and Saturday mornings and watch the entire weeks worth. We didn’t fast forward through a single soapy moment and when we had finished five hours of viewing pleasure we were ALWAYS longing for more. We would talk about the characters throughout the day. “Can you believe Nick slept with Grace, again?” or “Do you really think Phillip is dead?” or my favorite question, one you could ask almost everyday of someone on soaps, “Whose baby is it?”

My mother’s third husband, who was the best friend of her second husband, went to prison not once, but twice during their marriage. The first time was for robbing a bank, my mother drove the getaway car. They got away with the money temporarily but were caught that evening. Apparently when you create your ‘bank robbing plan of attack’ high on drugs you forget small things like wearing a mask so the cameras can’t record your face. They robbed the bank at 2:00 and were on the news at 5:00.

To pass the time in prison, my then stepfather told me they would all watch The Guiding Light. Can you imagine all of those burly men rushing to the t.v. room at 3:00 p.m. every day to watch Josh and Reva? What will the poor saps do with their afternoons now?   

His second arrest was the largest cocaine bust in the history of our city. Thankfully, I was living at my dad’s house at the time. I must say though, there is nothing more dramatic than walking into high school on the morning that your mother’s mug shot appears on the front page of the newspaper.  

I’m drawn to drama like a moth to light. It is in my genes. These soaps provide my fix. What will I become if I lose my soaps.  The void would be too much. I would end up in a straight jacket or worse watching Drew Carey on The Price is Right.

Please, help me save our soaps.  Where will I get my fashion tips? Don’t you love the clothes? They show up to the office in a slinky black dress with their boobs spilling out. Hey, how else could you steal your boss away from his wife, who happens to be your sister, who is carrying YOUR husband’s baby? Who doesn’t love that the kids grow up in dog years or the steamy sex scenes that begin with an argument or because they bump heads while trying to pick up the same set of keys off the ground? What’s not to love about the fact that there is always some stalker lurking in the shadows because six years ago you ACCIDENTALLY stole her husband and she intends to get him back by killing you.  Where else can you shoot someone and then two years later be married to his younger brother and pregnant with his baby?  Oh, I LOVE IT!!  I know its so corny, but more, more, more please.

Don’t let Soaps go the way of the VCR.  Write letters to your Congressmen, march the streets in protest, burn your bras. Ladies stand up for what is right and save the soaps. Please, I am begging you.  I will be nothing without my fix.