I write about my teenage son, KeenanKeenan aka: Kman
Age: 14
"Special" Qualities: Door slamming, stomping and eye rolling (can do it all in one impressive motion).
Best Qualities: The softest kindest heart, hysterical and quite charming when he tries., a lot because having a teenager is a journey into a place that takes your breath.  Sometimes in a way that brings you to your knees in tears of frustration and hurt and other times you are filled with a pride that makes your heart swell up so big that you can’t even take a breath.  

A year ago Keenan turned 13 and for a long time I lost him.  What was once a goofy fun-loving kid, turned into a moody angry closed-off little boy with a man’s voice that I could no longer reach.  If he did speak to me it was with frustration and complete exasperation over the mere sight of me.  

I am not a crier.  I was raised by a mother that cried over everything and a grandmother that taught me crying was for the weak.  Hating seeing my mother cry, I decided to go with my grandmother’s philosophy and I did pretty well until I ventured into the darkness of raising a teenager.  

I will never forget the first time Keenan’s teenage attitude brought me to tears.  He had a friend over and said something so horribly disrespectful to me that I went straight to my bathroom and balled my eyes out.  I couldn’t believe someone that had always worshipped the ground I walked on suddenly despised me.  Sadly, that was to be the first of many times.

Over the last year a lot has changed.  I have come to understand his plight into the big world around him.  I have had to give him the space he needs to become his own person.  One of the most important things I have learned is that asking any question at all, even as simple as, “which cereal would you like for breakfast”, is absolute taboo and will make him shut down faster than a high school with a case of the swine flu.

Your teenage years are the time when you begin to become the adult you will ultimately be.  I try daily to remember what that was like and not take it personally.  I breathe and remember the need to separate from your parents in order to become your own person.  I remember how much I despised my parents and the awful things that I said to them. 

Not only is Keenan having to reinvent himself, so do I as a parent.  What works for your toddler and your tween does not for your teen.   It has taken almost a year, but we are beginning to figure out how to move into this next phase of life in a way that works for both of us.  I cry less, he slams less doors.  Winner winner chicken dinner.

About a month ago I realized that he was laughing again and I couldn’t believe how much I had loved and missed such a simple sound.  It’s as if life took it away so that I could appreciate it anew.  His returned laughter is a constant reminder to stop and enjoy these very special moments with him.  They will soon be far and few between.

The last few days of middle school are upon us.  He turns 14 this week and I am struck with the reality that I will be sending him to high school and in four short years he will be leaving the safe little nest that I have built for him and going out into the big crazy world.  A year ago I couldn’t have even fathomed feeling good about that.  Now, it feels closer to okay than not.

Those of you who read me often know that my favorite parenting quote is, “A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary,” by Dorothy C. Fisher.  I have always felt that way and the last year has taught me how incredibly important that is.  He has made me proud of both him and myself.  I must have done something right along the way because he isn’t leaning, he is taking charge and doing a damn good job of it. 

Last night on the drive home after a very long day at school and then a 3-1/2 hour performance of Our Town, I touched his shoulder and told him how proud I was of him.   He leaned his head into my hand, as he used to do when he was smaller, so that I would rub his head.  For a brief moment in time I wasn’t the enemy, I was the loved and the needed at the end of a very long day.  

We were almost at the end of our drive when Journey’s, Don’t Stop Believing came on the radio.  

I said, “This is one of the greatest ever”.  

He smiled at me and said, “I know,” and cranked up the radio.  

With the windows down and the warm night air blowing through the car, we belted out the first verse together and it seemed to me, at that moment, that all was right in the world.  

These are the moments you grow to treasure as they get older.  You realize that they are going to go out on their own.  They will find their way and though they won’t lean on you, at times if you are really lucky, they will just lean in for a moment and remind you that you are, no matter what, their safest place.