Yesterday I was driving ColtonColton aka: Moose, Duece, Colt, CJ
Age: 3
Favorite Word: Fart
Hobbies:  Playing in the dirt, setting off fire alarms at preschool and bossing people around.
Best Qualities:  The sweetest disposition this side of the Mississippi. and his friend to school. The two of them were in the backseat discussing Colton’s new Thomas the Train rain boots. “Oh they are so cool,” his friend said.

“Thanks,” Colton replied. “They’re just like Nicks.” (That is a boy from their class.)

“Yep,” replied his friend. “And Nick wears them always sometimes.”

Always. Sometimes. That is freaking brilliant. That is my new life motto. I always sometimes do it. EVERYTHING. I so always sometimes do everything. Because I suck at always doing anything, no matter how hard I try to always do it. So now I can just always sometimes do it.

For example. I would love to always finish a load of laundry from beginning to end without having to rewash it three times because I totally forgot about it. Or. I remembered it and just didn’t have the energy to do it. So the clothes got all stinky and I had to rewash them. Twice.

Then. I put them in the dryer but again forgot or was too tired so I had to start the dryer three more times because each time it finished I was OVER the damn laundry and everything was all wrinkly and HELL NO I do not iron. Then for seriously ONE MONTH I walk around with the guilt that I have used too much water and electricity and this whole global warming thing is all my fault and if my kids found out and told their friends they would do a protest march in my front yard and everyone would know, even the polar bears, that it's ALL MY FAULT. So YES. I would love to ALWAYS do the laundry properly. But instead. I only do it sometimes. Always.

Also. I ALWAYS check my kids’ homework. It is important. Because if I only sometimes do it, my ex-husband gets all pissy because an assignment is missed on my watch.  So. I always check it to stave off those condescending emails reminding me that last week while the kids were at my house, they missed three assignments. But. Always at the end of a long day, I forget.

I could go on and on because I am so in love with the always sometimes concept that I want to take a bath in it. And marry it. And make love to it every day for the rest of my always sometimes life.

Ok. Last one. But don’t think I won’t be revisiting this concept in future blogs. Did that make any sense? Don't think I won't? Yes. You know why? Because it only has to make sense ALWAYS SOMETIMES.

I would love to always never drink. But. Then I spend the day with two teenagers who roll their eyes at me, slam doors in my face and text me stupid ass questions. And. If I haven’t answered in like TEN seconds are sending me follow up texts with a bunch of ????????????.  EVERY. DAY.

Also, as you know, I have a toddler. He likes to whine EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. He has also taken a liking to sleeping on my head because suddenly his room is all scary and shit. Seriously. ON. MY. HEAD.

So. I am exhausted and overtexted and a little chilly from the cold breeze flying off those eye rolls and door slams and by the time five o’clock rolls around I have completely forgotten that I intended to never always drink and sometimes I drink. Always.

You've gotta try this. Just think how much less guilty you will feel if you always embrace the idea. Sometimes.

What do you always sometimes do?