Thanksgiving morning JJJ aka: Depends on my mood.
What I love:He looks good in a cowboy hat or a business suit and wears them both daily. But not together, that would be creepy.
Hobbies: Building furniture, remodeling homes, playing sports with our kids, laughing with me. Seriously. and I were looking through the 482 pages of ads that arrived with our morning paper when we spotted the grand daddy of all gifts for one of our children and the discount was INCREDIBLE. I will be very obscure here about which child and what gift for obvious reasons.  My teenagers still believe in the fat man. Really?  No.  Not really. It’s in case they, for the first time in their lives, take an interest in something important to me and actually read this website.

As soon as we came across this particular item, it was clear that: A. We would rock as parents if we got it.  B. We were SO getting it.  AND. C. one of us was going to have to get up before the roosters and head out the next morning for BLACK FRIDAY. Ohhhhhhhh.  Ahhhhhhh. Oooooooo.  So, in true Mullen household style, we postured. 

“I don’t know babe, should we get it?” J asked. 

“I don’t know.  Do you think he would really like it?” I responded, knowing full well that my child would scrub EVERY toilet in this house with his toothbrush and then use it on his teeth afterwards to get this gift.

AND that is how I always loose.  Because I suck at posturing.  I am as transparent as a newly cleaned glass window on a bright summer day. Dammit. Also, because J is the most brilliant fucking salesman you will EVER meet.  The guy has the most amazing ability to just look at you, say nothing and somehow you on your knees begging him to “PLEASE GOD let me go to Walmart” and THAT is exactly what happened. 

I heard myself say, “You know what?  I have never done Black Friday.  I would really like to do it.”  Wait.  What the hell did I just say.  Someone get me a muzzle STAT.

Why I think for one second I can play his stupid game, is beyond me.  He is REALLY good. Just ask my poor dad who comes out here every year for a “vacation” only to paint every exterior window of our house, fix leakey faucets, wash our windows and build playhouses for our children. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far. Idiots. Both of us.

SO. I set my alarm for 4:30 a.m., but by 4:00 a.m. my competitive juices were flowing and I jumped out of bed to head out for the day.  So excited was I to be “one of those people” I washed my face and applied makeup.  That’s right.  I apply makeup once a week. I;m sure the parents at ColtonColton aka: Moose, Duece, Colt, CJ
Age: 3
Favorite Word: Fart
Hobbies:  Playing in the dirt, setting off fire alarms at preschool and bossing people around.
Best Qualities:  The sweetest disposition this side of the Mississippi.’s school are completley convinced I am living out of my car and my child is on scholarship at their preschool. But, today, I decided to apply a full face of makeup to go to Walmart at 4:00 in the morning.  AND THANK GOD I did.  Have you people seen the lighting in that place. It's like an operating room. From the second I entered the building I expected people to start screaming, “MOVE AWAY FROM THE LIGHT.  STAY WITH US STEFANIE.”

I absolutely never go to Walmart.  First of all I am 25 miles away and second, have you seen that website People of Walmart?  Well, someone in my family and I promise I won’t name names dad, sent me a link to that and while yes, there are some seriously style-challenged people that enter Walmart, they don’t hold a candle to the crap teenagers wear these days.

Note to teens: We already tried this shit in the eighties and it didn’t work then and it doesn’t work now.  How many times do we have to tell you, “Do as we say not as we do?”  I mean seriously, are you going to jump off a cliff too? Oh, stop crying before I give you something to cry about. 

It isn’t the fashion that scared the hell out of me, it was the slogan ridden t-shirts. Check this guy out and tell me if you are going to take your ass, or your children, to a Walmart any time soon.

In an effort to save time and beat everyone else I could to Walmart, because I was now a competitive Black Friday Walmart shopper and when I commit to something you better get your ass out of my way, I cut through my girlfriend’s neighborhood on the way and the guard at her gate said, “Let me guess, Black Friday?”

I sheepishly responded, “Yes.”  Why did the fact that I was going to Walmart at 4:00 a.m. the day after Thanksgiving make me feel so ridiculous? 

“You be very careful, you hear me?” he admonished in a very serious fatherly tone.

“I’m just going to Walmart,” I shouted with a wave and twinkle in my eye as I drove out of site.

It took all of two seconds in the parking lot to figure out why that man’s face was wrinkled with concern. OH MY GOD.  People were racing towards any open parking spaces that came available and if you dared to walk in front of a car you were risking life and limb.  I ended up parking in the very last spot closest to the street because it was one of ten available spots in the lot and it didn’t require that I roll my window down and start screaming at someone to figure out who deserved the spot more.  Have these people not heard of a good old game of Roshambo?

I ripped into my parking space at about 35 miles per hour, tires screeching, grabbed a shopping cart from the bin, thinking there was NO WAY there would be any available inside and I ran towards the light.

Stay tuned because as you can tell by the photo of me up above, there's more coming.