Please read with the same sing songy tone you use while reading If You Give A Mouse A Cookie. A hallucinogenic drug or perhaps a good fever wouldn't hurt either.

If you pick your kid up from school and his tooth hurts so bad he is crying (and he is a tough football player who can take a beating)

you will probably take him to the dentist.

If you take him to the dentist,

you may be told he needs a root canal. 

When you take him to get his root canal,

they will inform you, in too much detail, how infected his tooth is and that he needs antibiotics.

After you get the prescription filled and start giving them to him,

he will feel well enough to play in his football game.

The night after he plays in the game,

he will begin to complain of a headache.

He will go to bed early and then wake up the next day with a headache and again the next day

and you will probably spin the wheel and rush him to the ER.

When you get to the ER and explain that your son has what you think is a concussion,

you will have to wait two hours to be seen.

By the time you are finally seen,

the headache will have disappeared and been replaced by a fever.

You will take your nonconcussion having child home,

and he will sleep the rest of the day.

Within a few short days, you will be receive countless emails from his football coach,
   

each email will tell you that yet another kid on his football team has tested positive for H1N1.

Hearing the words H1N1,
   

you will head straight to the liquor cabinet.  Often.

After several days of a raging fever,
   

your’s sons temperature will return to normal.

When his temperature returns to normal,
   

he will develop a cough so awful that you spend your entire night staring at him with a flashlight pointed at his chest.

Within a couple of days,
   

the annoying cough that made you want to hit yourself in the head with a hammer until you passed out will become as normal as the sound of fighting children in your home.

Once the cough starts to subside,
   

your son will awaken with a rash from his eyebrows to his toenails.

Upon seeing the rash, 
   

you will go online to investigate. That makes you a dumb ass.

You will spin the wheel yet again,
   

and rush him back to the doctor.

Upon seeing the rash, the doctor will inform you that it has nothing to do with the pig flu, 
   

it is a reaction to the antibiotic he is taking for the root canal.

And chances are, when your doctor mentions the word root canal

you will need a martini to go with it.