Yummmmm.  That looks good, I’ll take two. 

So, let’s just say that I need a new grill STAT.  I was feeling good last night, all the food had been prepped for dinner, I had spent a lot of time with ColtonColton aka: Moose, Duece, Colt, CJ
Age: 3
Favorite Word: Fart
Hobbies:  Playing in the dirt, setting off fire alarms at preschool and bossing people around.
Best Qualities:  The sweetest disposition this side of the Mississippi., managed to get both boys off to practice, get KeenanKeenan aka: Kman
Age: 14
"Special" Qualities: Door slamming, stomping and eye rolling (can do it all in one impressive motion).
Best Qualities: The softest kindest heart, hysterical and quite charming when he tries. home and before I went to pick up NoahNoah aka: Mac Daddy
Age: 12
"Special" Qualities: Holds a grudge for longer than you can remember the offense. Talks nonstop
Best Qualities: Wakes up with a smile every day and walks to the beat of his own drum., I threw my beer can chickens on the grill and jumped in the shower.  Yes, I know, you should always watch the grill.  BUT, the chickens cook for an hour and a half and they were on the side of the grill that was turned off, so I thought it was fine.  As my dad used to say, that’s what I get for thinking.

We clearly need a new grill, which really pisses me off as this one is only a few years old.  Granted we use the shit out of it, but seriously, when did expensive appliances start lasting only three years?  The grates are all rusting, the coals are crap, the fire distributor things (no idea what they are called) are out of whack.  So, I go to the BBQ store about a month ago to replace all the parts. The sales guy brings out all the supplies, totals it up, I get out my credit card while dreaming of the steaks I will be enjoying later that for the first time in months won’t require me to cut off one side because it has turned to charcoal, and he says, “Okay, that’s $527.00.”

Come again?  Cause for a second there I thought you said $527.00.  Hahahahaha.  He then, sheepishly, repeats the amount and I fight off the urge to scream, “Thief” at the top of my lungs. 

I look around and notice that there were new grills for about that same amount all over the store. Oh, of course, I get it.  You make grills with parts that last three years and then when we come in to replace the parts, you charge so much that we just replace the grill.  That is a great freaking business model.  If you don’t mind cheating your customers and that whole land fill issue. I can just see the planet years from now, one giant pile of grills and Happy Meal toys.

The problem is that neither of JJJ aka: Depends on my mood.
What I love:He looks good in a cowboy hat or a business suit and wears them both daily. But not together, that would be creepy.
Hobbies: Building furniture, remodeling homes, playing sports with our kids, laughing with me. Seriously. nor I have the time to research a new grill, and we don’t do ANYTHING in this house without extensive research, just ask my husband.  Therefore we continue to cook on this hunk of junk and spend half of our cooking time squirting water on the grill, which consists of J getting water in his mouth and spitting it onto the fire that has erupted, NOT KIDDING and then silently blaming each other for this piece of crap grill.

Back to the photo above. So, I come out of the shower and notice that my entire house is filled with smoke. Apparently while playing Xbox, you don’t tend to notice things like the house being on fire and later when I asked J, who was sitting outside, if he noticed, he said, “Oh it just smelled like your regular cooking.”  Hmmm.

I rushed to the grill, flung it open and there staring at me were my two beer can chickens with fire shooting out of them and they were all but screaming, “Get a new grill you idiot” and I got all teared up.  I really did.  And then I thought to myself, what kind of crazy Martha Stewart wannabe whack job cries over a couple of flaming chickens?  So I cowboyed up, dried my eyes, grabbed my keys and ran to the store for a couple of pre-made rotisserie chickens. AND for the record, if you had come for dinner last night, I would have TOTALLY told you that I made those chickens.