Should We Give Trophies for Participation?
The number of trophies in our house makes the late Michael Jackson’s award room seem paltry. My kids? Trophy. Winners.
Oh that Ooph, she is a nauseating bragger? No.
Nauseated? Yes.
Less than one percent of those trophies were earned by winning a championship. Or extraordinarily hard work. Or for being number one at…well? Anything. They were earned for, wait for it, wait for it…participating.
When did we start this ludicrous process of giving out trophies just because a child signs up to play on a sports team? One year we were mailed a trophy after the season because Keenan broke his hand on the second day of practice and didn’t show up the rest of the year. True. Story.
It isn’t the actual trophy that bothers me, though the image of a giant pit in the center of the earth filled with unearned trophies does turn my stomach. The rub is that we are stripping away the real meaning of “reward.” We are rewarded in life for hard work. Going above and beyond what is asked. For doing something extraordinary.
In life we don’t get a trophy for participating. Hey Bob, thanks for showing up to work today and sitting in that really uncomfortable chair. Since you sat there the WHOLE DAY, I am going to give you a trophy. You know what? The whole office is going to get a trophy today. Just for showing up.
The reward for participating on sports teams is the participation itself.
It’s also the lessons learned. The memories created. It’s the camaraderie and being part of something bigger than oneself. How to win gracefully. How to have class when you lose. How to deal with a coach or another player you don’t care for and still work hard. How to handle taunting from someone on the other team. How to make huge errors in the middle of a big game, pick your dignity up off the ground for the next play and go make it up to yourself and the team. How to be a star and be humble. How to be smaller than the rest of the team and work harder than anyone else to prove yourself.
Those lessons? Those are the rewards. Not some worthless trophy that your child doesn’t give a crap about anyway. They would much rather have a scoop of ice cream. Trust me.
Our children need to understand that life doesn’t hand you unearned trophies. You don’t get rewarded simply because you are there. You get rewarded when you work hard, stay focused and do something extraordinary.
OMG! So glad you posted this! I’ve been saying it for years. WTH am I gonna do when my kid is 15? She’s only 8 and all the shelves in her room are full! Crazy. And on top of the trophies, we have a wall of sports pics, team pics, blah, blah, blah. You know? Maybe we can partner and start selling recycled trophies. Oh! Better yet, edible ones.
As someone who turned down the "Thank you for being a board member" plaque from one of our youth sports leagues (really, I refused as the treasurer to write the check to pay for the plaques if one for me was included – what a damn waste of money!) – I completely agree.
Though I did receive a plaque & accept here at work when I hit the 20 year mark. It will be 25 in January – wonder if I can substitute a bottle of Grey Goose this time?
You have a point. When I was little, the movement to reward participating was maybe in it’s infancy. Because we didn’t get trophies. We got ribbons. Green ones. And those were cool, because, ya know, I put all this hard work into (in my case–4H) it, but my skill level wasn’t up to 1st place. It just…no..not even close. LOL, but still I walked away with something. Knowing that at least the effort was noticed. But trophies and plaques? Eh. Too much, I think.
my husband and i talk about this all the time. since when did it become acceptable to teach our kids that losing is the same as winning? IT’S NOT. i think this whole trophy/ribbon/certificate/award thing is making kids into a bunch of weenies. i’d prefer my children to do something out of passion or love, not because they expect a reward, and a cheap piece of crap at that.
I am so with you on this one! Where I live we have a kids sports program…actually called kidsports (original, I know). Anyway, up until something like 4th grade they don’t even keep score. Everyone ones a winner! Weee! It drives me crazy! No kids, sometimes you do lose. Sometimes you do suck. You need to learn to suck less! It’s a little thing I like to call life. Thank you for posting this!
I completely agree! I think it started out as a "building self esteem" thing but it’s really gotten out of hand. I think it takes away from the excitement of when you actually DO win too. This applies to everything too, not just sports related activities. Where’s the incentive to try harder? Being a gracious and good "loser" is an important lesson in life to learn. You’re better prepared for some of the hard knocks you may run into later in life and how to resolve them without throwing temper tantrums or having complete meltdowns. It doesn’t help to build a good work ethic if you are rewarded for just showing up. Great post!
Love that you’re saying this! Gotta teach them the realities of life young so they’re better prepared adults. Thanks for posting!
I am so absolutely on board with you.
Let’s get back to the days when you earn your accolades through work and not just by showing up. (Or not showing up.)
I’m glad you came out and said it.
P.S. You DO give trophies for the 8th commenter, right?
Forget you $10 Buck Dinners! I meant trophies for the "1st" commenter!
Give me my TROPHY!
I agree totally. Think I even posted about this once. We are very much on the same page with things!
I am so sick of this overly sensitive generation that we are creating with this BS. On the flip side, it’s very annoying when I see those parents who are the other end of the spectrum..you know..the ones who convert their living rooms into ballet studios and take away their childrens’ childhood. The ones who are ALL about WINNING..
We ALL get trophies. They might say Keenan or Noah on them, but who cares. We are special.
As a former Div I athlete, current semi-pro volleyballer and Dad; I’ll have to agree with the notion that we’re being a bunch of softies for giving away rewards on the pure fact that someone participated. Now, while it makes me proud to see my daughter at an early age "just participate" in activities as she learns to socialize; I will be instilling a hard work ethic in her. The same one that was instilled in me by my mom. The whole generational piece is interesting because I always hear that my generation and the next one coming up have this sense of entitlement. While I’ve had the pleasure of terminating a few of these folks at our company, I also can say that there are a good amount of hard workers out there. They are rightly rewarded with raises, bonuses, days off, etc.
Whether sports, work, life; reward should always be earned. No freebies.
Edible trophies. What an awesome idea! Much better than the 2 boxes of plastic and chrome shoved in the back of my son’s closet.
I will scratch out the names.
Yes. Kids? Ice cream. Adults? Grey Goose. Now we are talking.
Don’t even get me started on that whole no score issue. What’s the point?
I need to write that post too. I have seen some thing around here that would give you hives.
You? Brilliant!
Oh no, I can’t take credit for it. $10BuckDinners posted the idea, I just jumped on the bandwagon.
Point.
TOTALLY agree! Overtrophyization- icky! Ditto the ‘hurt the self esteem’ fears that are causing parents everywhere to raise little spoiled brats!
I completely agree with this! Completely!
coming in second only makes you the first loser….as quoted by my father after finishing second in little league. now, that’s something to remember
Wow! isn’t that the truth! I remember when I was young you seldom received a trophy. In fact, you only received one if you actually placed in an event.
I understand and agree that at certain ages (like really really young) it is beneficial to not keep score and teach the good about participation. However, when a child is around 5 and starting school I think we need to start keeping score and preparing our children for everyday life.
Sorry if you don’t agree but the way I see it is that that is how life is and we need to prepare our children.
I stopped forcing my kids to participate in sports when we got the first trophy for participation. Now if they want to take a sport they can but since they can’t actually compete in that sport I am not getting behind it with all my might. We are raising a bunch of wusses.
My children are grown now, but when they were little I actually set them up for small disappointments & failures. (I set them up for success too, more so than the failures) I thought it important that they learn that sometimes you have to work harder and try again. Today I am proud to say that they are all confident, successful in their chosen fields, and contributing members of society. Their hard work (and mine) is paying off.
Amen! One of my favorite things about swimming is that my girls get ribbons and medals for their times! Objective results and rewards. We did not pick swim team for this reason, but it is a great side benefit. My girls scoff at participation trophies now. Whew.