I was reading the news the other day and, to my surprise, I learned that when my 17-year-old son acts like an imbecile it’s not his fault. It’s biology.
This was actually kind of a relief to me, but you’ll pardon me if I don’t share this information with him. Lord knows what sort of behavior he’d try to excuse with it.
The latest research into the teen brain reports that they may not be able to help acting out like they do. It seems this is due to the dramatic changes in their rapidly developing brains. (Scientists are working under the assumption here that our teens’ brains are developing.)
James Chattra — a pediatrician practicing in Redmond, Wash. — says that at about age 12, the brain begins a massive shift in the prefrontal cortex, or the “thinking” part of the brain.
“It’s going through this amazing pruning and rewiring and shift. But because of that, sometimes the prefrontal cortex that allows us to take a break, stop and think, is not working as well,” Chattra says.
About half of the “thinking” neurons in certain regions of the brain, Chattra says, are literally “wiped out.”
The story talks a lot about “drama overload,” but since my teen is a boy, I don’t really deal with much drama. That would include his having to actually talk to me. I’m drawing my own conclusion that the shutting down of the “thinking” neurons results in an overload of drama in teenage girls and in really, really dumb behavior for teen boys.
Chattra doesn’t say in the article when exactly we can expect these “thinking neurons” to kick back up again. I’m here to tell you that it ain’t by 17.
So when my son goes four-wheeling in the mud and ruins a pair of $80 Sperry topsiders, it’s not his fault — it’s biology. And when he leaves wet swimsuits and towels in the trunk of his car for weeks on end, he’s not to blame — his thinking neurons were shut down. And when his friend tries to cook a frozen pizza on my plastic cutting board…well, you get the picture.
But if the developing teen brain explains boneheaded moves like this, we can only assume that biology may not step up to the plate when our boys are faced with really important decisions, like, “I wonder if I should get a ride home with Alex, even though he had a couple beers tonight?” Or “Man, this girl is hot! I wonder if she’ll get pregnant if I don’t have a condom?” So while the article focuses on the importance of parents remaining calm when the teen brain takes over, I’d like to throw out my own suggestion: Repetition.
The way I see it, the only way I can even hope that the neurons are going to kick in when it really matters is if I’ve drilled that shit so deep into his head that he can’t escape it. So every single time he goes out for the night, I remind him, “No drinking and driving.” And when he texts me to say that they’re going to Ethan’s birthday party and then he’s going to spend the night with Jordan, I text back, “You can’t drive to Jordan’s if you drink at Ethan’s.” And he rolls his eyes at me and texts back, “I NO MOM” which is how kids spell “know” these days.
Maybe he gets tired of hearing it and maybe they all make fun of me behind my back but I don’t care. I’m fighting biology here and I’m determined to keep my kid safe. Thinking neurons or not.
Does the news of this report help you to make more sense of your teen’s behavior? How do you counteract the drama overload and/or bonehead behaviors?
Kalisa blogs about fashion and teen parenting at I’ll Be the One in Heels. Her son, Elijah, dresses well but still refuses to friend her on Facebook.
Yeah, their brains aren’t developed yet. It doesn’t make it any easier dealing with them though.
I’ve read a few articles about the same topic — as a high school psychology teacher, it’s very relevant to my work. The prefontal cortex is not fully developed until into their 20s (sorry). It seems teens often KNOW what the right thing to do is, but they still have trouble doing it, and that gap between cognition and emotion leads to risky teen behaviors.
In one study, teens were asked whether it’s a good idea to set their hair on fire. While they answered correctly (NO, it’s not a good idea), they took a few seconds longer to respond than adults did, as if they had to really consider it. That right there explains teen behavior to me!
My thinking neurons never kicked back in again.
So what’s the excuse for men? Does that mean their thinking neurons never kicked back in? I mean when my husband walks out the door without the list of groceries we JUST wrote what is his explanation? Old age? So does that mean they go from no thinking neurons in the teenage years to old age stupidity? Excuse me if I have a hard time believing this article is based on the planet EARTH.
I want to clarify that all of the above is my snarky attitude. I do believe there is extensive research in this area.
It would explain sooo much about my girls (10 & 13). Although it will do little to stop me from looking at them like they are a creature from another planet because frankly that’s how they act sometimes. Oh, and you can bet they won’t hear a word about about this study from me. They don’t need any excuses to behave like divas.
Ironically a friend and I were talking the other day, about teenagers and when we were etc…. and I said, you know I have now been driving for more then half of my life and it really makes me want to re-think the driving age–looking back at how young I was, how irresponsible etc..I know driving age has nothing to with chemistry, but If you think about it–WHy would you put basically a child behind the wheel of a 2000 lb weapon by chance if the chemicals in their head are still going bonkers? Isn’t that kind of like drinking and driving? Although I am hypocrit, had you said that to me at 16 I would have flipped out—DRAMATICALLY LOL
As the mom of a 25 year old son – yep – it takes until their early 20s! Sorry folks. And lord knows he plowed through some mighty stupid times from about 16-22!! He gets to pay for those years for quite awhile
OTOH, he is alive and he didn’t hurt anyone else in his run of teen stoopid so that’s a good thing.
I learned of these biological reasons a little too late for him, but boy will I be applying the repetition technique with my now 14 year old!! It does help that he’s watched his brother mess up so he can see real life, up close & personal consequences. But yeah – I’ll be perfecting the art of nagging with this one!!
THat age difference can either be a blessing or a curse…My three older brothers were all 3-5 years older then I, I stood back and watched how NOT to get caught doing things. My sister however is 10 years younger then me, she was of "bolder" generation per say–we’ll do what we want and worry about it when we get caught–yet somehow she got caught but still ended up with less of a punishment because mom and dad were older and tired (their own words) LOL
men are just bigger boys but have bigger toys
I’d just like to know when in the hell those nuerons will kick back into functioning mode. Because if I hear "I don’t know" one more time, I may have a stroke.
I am so glad you posted this – I NEEDED to hear this before I threaten my 13yr old with boarding school or "couch time". The last few weeks have been especially trying (on both of us). I ask him to do something and he verbally agrees to and I swear no more than 5 later I will find him doing NOTHING and when I yell he SWEARS he forgot. Now after reading this I believe him.
I feel somewhat remorseful for taking my frustrations out on the poor kid. Thankfully my husband steps in and diffuses because he "gets it" whereas I just look at him and think "OMG is he really brain dead or is this drugs?"