Think your teenager won’t have sex? Flip a coin. Those are your odds. Almost 50% of all teens confess to having sex. Have two kids? Odds are one of them will.
Guess how many teenagers get pregnant every year? Bet you weren’t even close. It’s 750,000. Three quarters of a million teenagers get pregnant. EVERY. YEAR.
And another one? Ten percent of all the babies born in this country are born to a teenager.
With shows like MTV’s Teen Mom exploiting our teenagers under the guise of showing how hard it is to be a pregnant teen, we can only imagine that the numbers above will increase. This pathetic show makes me want to vomit. I typed it into google so I could do some research and the first thing that came up? A poll. Should Farrah, a teen mom on the show, get a paternity test. Yes MTV. You and your show are a pillar of strength and morals for our teens. Thank you.
Apparently getting pregnant as a teenager in the U.S. gets you a reality show and covers on People and US Magazine. And really? What teenage girl doesn’t long to be a movie star? And? All she has to do is be pregnant for nine months. That’s like, totally less than a year. Cool.
With teens like Bristol Palin (our Vice Presidential candidate’s daughter no less) and Jamie Lynn Spears getting pregnant, it is blurring the line. Add to that the glamorization from these shows and publications and we have a recipe for disaster on our hands.
One day Jamie Lynn Spears was all wholesome and Disney and then suddenly People magazine was leaking details of her incredible baby shower.
And Bristol? She is now on Dancing With the Stars. Because you know. All teenagers get to be on reality shows these days. All they have to do is get pregnant.
What does all of this mean to you? It means your job is that much harder. It means you need to be diligent about talking to your teenagers. One conversation and a book is not enough. It is an ongoing and constant conversation. It is ever changing and grows as they grow. KEEP TALKING.
Tell them about pregnancy. Tell them about STDs. Tell them about how emotional sex is. Explain to them that love and sex are inclusive. They SHOULD AND DO go together. Provide them a way of accessing birth control in case they become a statistic. If you feel they are about to have sex or already are, PUT THE BIRTH CONTROL IN THEIR HANDS. Most young people have sex for the first time at the age of 17 but don’t marry until their late twenties. They need to know how to protect themselves.
Teach BOTH your daughters and your sons the meaning of NO. No means No. Explain this to your boys in no uncertain terms. Teach your daughter how to get out of a situation if she finds herself in over her head. Tell her it is OK to change her mind at the last minute. Tell your boys the same.
Don’t bury your head. Talk about sex with your kids. It’s AWKWARD AND UNCOMFORTABLE, but it just might save their lives. Both figuratively and literally.
I wholeheartedly agree. The importance of talking and being open with your kids is huge. Of course it can be awkward but try not to think of it that way. Make it casual, not a big formal conversation. Everyday talk. Maybe while cleaning up from dinner or getting ready for bed. These have to be everyday conversations and part of our kid’s daily lives. So important!!
Okay, so I’m NOT the only mom who is disturbed by all the glitz and glam surrounding teenage pregnancy these days. Good to know. I have two daughters and one of them is approaching the teen years. Uncomfortable conversations are in our future….and I’d rather have 100 of them than even one grandchild in my 30′s.
Parents who think their kid won’t be the one it happens to are EXACTLY the parents who will be dealing with this in their homes. My ex husband is PROOF that it CAN happen the first time you have sex. His mother was a 16 year old, Catholic virgin who was sweet-talked by an older boy she had a crush on; a boy who told her he was "sterile" because of an operation he had as a child. That boy later denied he was the father of her unborn child, called her a slut (even though that was the one and only time she’d ever had sex), and turned his back on her….. That same guy impregnated ANOTHER 16 year old girl two months after my ex husband was conceived. Those two families thought that their daughters were immune because they were church-going folks and had "good girls". Turns out, they probably should have had a couple uncomfortable conversations in between church services.
While I’m grateful my ex husband was born (I wouldn’t have my own two beautiful daughters if he hadn’t been) I think his grandparents should have been more aware of what their daughter was doing. Teenage pregnancy can happen in ANY family where there is a lack of communication. I hope and pray my daughters will NOT become statistics and I am darn sure going to do my part as a mother to make sure of it.
I agree about that show being disgusting. The first time I saw it I thought it was an interesting premise, but as I watched it a little more I realized it was nothing more than some ratings-mongering shock TV, and I think it’s appalling that MTV thinks it’s all right to make it seem like teen pregnancy is OK. And then even worse, like you said, now there’re the magazine covers and the reality shows and the endorsement deals. Disgusting.
Teen pregnancy is bullshit. It’s lonely, difficult, not to mention potentially destructive to the lives of the mother, father, their families, and perhaps even the baby that is born into that situation. Not to say that all teen pregnancy ends badly, but it’s most definitely far from the ideal.
I love this post. This needs to be said more often and a lot LOUDER! I only have a 2 year old and I am scared to death of her becoming a teenager. I feel like the bottom line is this: If you aren’t ready to fully accept the responsibility of the consequences that come with having sex (no matter your age) then you shouldn’t be having sex. Now, this is obviously MUCH easier said than done, but how will our kids ever know there are actual consequences if we don’t talk about them…especially when being a "teen mom" is so glamorous these days.
Bloody hell, these TV programmes are glamorising teenage pregnancy… surely that is a completely bad thing. I totally agree with Dalia about being open about sex and pregnancy… .tons of research has shown that kids are less likely to get pregnant if they are educated. Of course, my daughter will never, ever have sex!
Oh this subject gives me anxiety. With two daughters this topic is going to keep me up late at night when they are in their teens. I will definitely be having open and honest conversations with them about this!!!
I am with you on this one. Just in the past week I had to perform 3 pelvic exams on teen girls. All 3 were positive for a STD! WTF???? Literally! I just looked at these girls and gave them a stern, but loving warning about what their future could hold if they did not start protecting themselves…dead! Hello HIV! I also tell them "No glove, no love. Period!"
I am amazed at the number of teens who come through the ER who are pregnant and having complications. But I don’t take care of them because they are not covered under my scope of practice…considered adults if preggo!
Hello! Birth control is easy to obtain teens if you are going to have sex. Although I would rather they didn’t have sex until they are mature enough to handle such a step.!
And these teenage pregnancy reality shows need to be cancelled permanently!
OK.. I will get off my soap box now!
I agree with Kristen and who ever else said it. Those who think "It’s won’t be my kids!" Well it probably will be your kids!
Such a scary topic. Talk to your kids people!
disturbing
I agree! I have a friend who refuses to put her daughter on b/c if she is sexually active! She is just convinced her daughter wont do it!
i won’t let my kids watch those shows. i think that the tv industry crossed a line. one that i won’t be a part of.
Stef, I love you. I love how open and honest you are. I love how much I learn from you.
And you bet your ass, I will be talking to my kids. I am starting to prepare for it now.
Steph…I hope you are publishing this other than your blog. What you have said needs to be out there where many parents and teens can read this. hopefully it will sink in with someone!
Happy to know I’m not the only one totally disturbed by all the glam at teen pregnancies. It is cringeworthy.
My tummy is in knots. This whole thing makes me sick. and wonder why parents aren’t being honest and open with their kids….sigh.
I’m so bummed I missed your show the other day, I followed the link and wasn’t able to listen for some reason…
as a former horny teen-aged boy…a gir who changed her mind at the last second was considered a tease. some enjoyed passing out blue balls to the guys. no idea what it’s like out there these days but if a girl does that she shouldn’t expect a mature response from a 16 year old with his pants around his ankles. unfortunately rational thought goes out the window at that point
I totally agree that those reality shows need to be cancelled. It is so important to talk to your kids, and people that don’t think their kids will have sex maybe right, but what if they are not and their kids are not prepared….
And it’s stories like this that make me pull out my dairy and read the page that says: "Brittany, 25. And no sex until you have a pretty diamond ring on your finger and a great man by your side." Because sure, I watch Teen Mom and sure, I have best friends who have children but it is not something I would ever want for myself.
Helping to raise my siblings at a young age let me "feel" motherhood and I’m not prepared to care for a life that is not my own. I don’t think any teenager, no matter what the situation, will ever be. And it’s time for teens to wake up and realize the consequences of sex. It goes much further that becoming pregnant. What about STD’s, what about losing your virginity to someone who you will not spend the rest of your life with.
Love and sex, like you said, go hand in hand and I don’t think that teenagers realize that. Being one myself, the feelings and desire to "have sex" have hit me – but in the end, I fought myself and promised myself what I wrote in my diary. That 25 is a key age, that I would wait until I was married and that when the time comes and I have a child of my own, it would be when I am ready and have stability with my own life.
Thanks for sharing and letting other’s be aware of the situation.
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In our area it’s stylish to be pregnant. And of course many of the fathers don’t believe it’s stylish…..they move on.
These girls believe because they have a baby they are adults now with Worldly knowledge.
Many of them have the attitude "I will just get free help". They don’t see farther then one day. Not realizing they will live another 70 years or so. And that little baby they have is always there.
These shows really don’t show the TRUE hardship of living paycheck to paycheck. They make it look like the drama is almost fun. And money issues get solved some how.
Very sad.