In theory, you would be really interested in who I am and would read paragraph after paragraph of me waxing poetic about my life.  I doubt most of you are even still reading now, but in case you care, here are some highlights or lowlights depending on your personality.

I live in a locker room with four belching, farting, balls and penis joking, no table manner having boys. Three are my children. The other. My husband.

I have no problem telling you my age, but I'm not going to.

I am extremely competitive, but I'm working on it.  (I'm not really working on it.)

I am the co-author of Chicken Soup for the Girlfriend's Soul.  Please buy the book. I like money.

My teens have cell phones. But. I refuse to get one for my four year old.  Don't laugh, I live in southern California. He wants one.

My girlfriends are my everything. I am married to a man that gets this. He has seven sisters. He let's me play often. It's necessary. Two words. Locker. Room.

One final thing to note.  I have an ex-husband.  He has a wife.  We live a mile away from each other.  Enough. Said.

About the family:

My husband is a way better husband than I am a wife.  Ok, that's so not true, but he is really hot and he builds me things.  He wears a tool belt and cowboy hat at night and a suit during the day.  What more could a girl ask for? 

Added: My husband's boss called to ask if he is a stripper by night.  Not. Kidding. For clarity, he is also wearing jeans, a t-shirt and work boots with his hat and belt. Not a stripper. I did once date a stripper. Not a good story.

My fifteen year old, KeenanKeenan aka: Kman
Age: 14
"Special" Qualities: Door slamming, stomping and eye rolling (can do it all in one impressive motion).
Best Qualities: The softest kindest heart, hysterical and quite charming when he tries., is a professional eye rolling, door slamming, looking at me like I am an idiot teenager. I love him anyway. I really do. No. Really. He brings me to my knees with his heart and his fabulous sense of humor.

My thirteen year old, NoahNoah aka: Mac Daddy
Age: 12
"Special" Qualities: Holds a grudge for longer than you can remember the offense. Talks nonstop
Best Qualities: Wakes up with a smile every day and walks to the beat of his own drum., is the sweetest and happiest child there is.  He hugs me at least ten times a day and tells me he loves me. Which, I think is all an act to get what he wants out of me. It works. Don't cross him though, cause he stays mad for days, sometimes weeks.  You will have long forgotten that you pissed him off and he will walk by you in the kitchen and just "accidentally" bump into you a little harder than he should. Not kidding.

My four year old, ColtonColton aka: Moose, Duece, Colt, CJ
Age: 3
Favorite Word: Fart
Hobbies:  Playing in the dirt, setting off fire alarms at preschool and bossing people around.
Best Qualities:  The sweetest disposition this side of the Mississippi., thinks he is fourteen. I see you shaking your head like you understand. But. You don't. I mean really. He really, really thinks he is fourteen. Just ask him.