Unless you live under a rock or have a newborn, you know that tonight is the first NFL game of the 2009 season and OMG I am more excited than I would be if my husband walked through the front door with a housekeeper, a cook and six dozen Russet roses. Unless of course I didn’t have to choose between the two and then I would watch football while lying in a pile of rose petals on my newly swept and polished floors with the smell of meatball sandwiches being whipped up by my cook wafting in from the kitchen. COME ON.  

It also means that after all the whining and the "I can’t figure this out" poppycock from the Hail Marys, fantasy football is finally here. This marks my first official tutorial on how to have as much fun as your husband. DO NOT let him know you are reading this or he will have my website blocked faster than you can say, “But honey, I was just doing it for you.” Oh it isn’t for him, it’s for you and before long you are going to LOVE it.  

It truly is easy to play and it is a GREAT excuse to get together with the gals.  The Hail Marys are all coming over this evening to eat, drink and watch football.  Did I mention that tonight is opening night of the NFL?  Do you see where I am going with this?  Opening night, all of our husband’s are taking care of the kids and we are together watching football, drinking and eating good food, not them.  See, I told you this was fun.

Fantasy Football 101 Week One:

As you can see above, my team (and everyone else’s too) consists of one Quarterback, two Running Backs, two Wide Receivers, one Flex Player (get to that next week), one Tight End, one Kicker and a Defense/Special Teams.  You can see the names of my players above.  They are MINE.  I am their Coach and General Manager.  I control if they play, or if I bench them. I am the lady in charge. In the over used annoying words of Paris Hilton, "That's hot." Yes, I went there.

I also have a bench of players that I can switch in or out with my starting lineup.  For example, if one of my players gets injured, then I have backups to replace him the following week.

Each week I play a different gal from within my league, The Hail Marys.  I look through my players, check the projected points and a few other things we will get into as the season progresses, and play the starters I think have the best chance of getting me a win.  It is all about the points.  It has nothing to do with how well my players actual NFL teams do.  For example, I don't give a frog's fat butt if the Cincinatti Benglas lose, as long as Carson Palmer has a good game, I get points. 

I think that is the one thing that confuses most newcomers.  Separate the player from the NFL team.  He is now on MY team for the purposes of fantasy football. The Oophs. The only thing that counts is a player's individual performance on the field.

The points each player earns depends on their position.  For example, a Running Back gets points for every yard he runs with the football.  A Wide Receiver gets points for every catch and the longer the catch the more points they receive.  A quarterback gets points for every completed pass and is deducted points for an interception. You get the idea. As you can see by the projected points above, my opponent is supposed to win this week.  We will see about that.  Check back on Monday and I will have updated my numbers.   

That's a good start.  Each week I will give you a little more and by the end of the season, you will not only be watching football, you will be miserable that you have to wait a whole off season before you can have your own league.