As you all know by now, I LOVE FOOTBALL.  If you aren't clear, you can see more of my addiction here and here.

Yesterday I set up my fantasy football league on NFL.com.  I have been playing fantasy football for years with my family and last year I decided to get some gals involved because every freak needs some freaky friends.
 
Let me just tell you, those chics did NOT disappoint.  Holy head cases.  I think some of them actually painted their faces every Sunday before checking their fantasy teams.

This year, AREN'T YOU LUCKY, I will be sharing my team with you.  I'll teach you the basic ins and outs of fantasy football and get your butt all fired up for some serious fun next year.  You know why?  Because I love all of you and I am doing you a favor, TRUST ME.

I know after you see the ridiculous amount of fun it is to act like a football fool (aka MAN), you will be signing your butt up next year. Seriously, name one thing with the word fantasy in it that isn't fun.

I trust that I don't need to remind you that football is played by hot men in tight pants getting all rough and tackly with each other.  What isn't fun about that?  Oh and did I mention in fantasy football the players work for you? FAN YOURSELF GIRLFRIEND. Go on.  I know you need to.

And the banter with the girls is BEYOND fun.  Sure, some of the girls cry, but that’s just because they start out soft and can’t handle being a big girl. They get better as the season progresses.

The madness began yesterday with this email that I sent to the gals:

Hi Gals

I will be setting up our FF league today and want to confirm with all of you that you are tough enough to play again this year.  There are a few things you should know.

1. If you didn't figure it out last year, I HATE SLACKERS. If you have an open position on your starting lineup any given week, it's 5 BUCKS per empty slot. Manage your team.

2.  There will be a fee for every player pulled from waivers and every trade you make with another person. Somewhere in the 3-5 dollar range.  Invest in your players girls. You don't see REAL NFL OWNERS trading every week.  

3.  VERY IMPORTANT if you give your username and password to someone else and have them do your team for you, I will send my children to your house to toilet paper it, and let's just say that toilet paper sticks better with a little raw egg backer. That will NEVER happen on my league again.

4. Party at my house forthcoming.  

5. It’s football season bitches!

6.  Any disparaging remarks about the Colts will be fined at a rate of $10.00 per remark.  Seriously, when was the last time your Chargers won the Super Bowl? Enough.

7.  If you whine you pay.  $5.00 per word.  NO WHINING. Do I need to name names?

hugs and kisses
The Big BIATCH

Wishing you were playing yet?  OH, you will, trust me.  

p.s. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND you be the Commissioner when you set your team up next year.  Though a total pain in the ass most of the time, the power is INCREDIBLE. Even if the gals don't listen any more than my kids. At least THEY write checks for their insubordination.